The Eastern Shore

One of the things I love most about Bruiser is his desire ability to simply appease me. This upcoming July it will be two years we've been together.  And I'm pretty sure from our first date on, I've been whining about how badly I want to go to Maryland's Eastern Shore.

Now, here is what you need to know about mah boo.  He's 100% NOVA. (For you none locals, that means Northern Virginia.) He does work there, he lives there, he IS The Commonwealth, folks. So, him enjoying Maryland was confusing.

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It is the easiest hour and half drive ever. But once you fasten that seat belt, it's all about water. Being next to it, crossing it, riding on it. The Chesapeake Bridge is frightening.

The most interesting part of this is little stretch of water is all the different vessels that occupy it. Where AirCraft Carriers and Sail Boats play together.

St. Michael's is charm personified.

Evidence of the Meltdown

Silver Anniversary of my first major Big Girl Meltdown

Ladies and Gents, today is a very big day for me.  Today celebrates 25 years since I had my first major Big Girl Meltdown.  Prior to this, my meltdowns were (well, pun intended) child's play.  I was, after all, a 6 year old.

Here is what has not changed from Shelby Age 6 to Shelby Age 30-shut-your-mouth:
    1) I think I have about as much money now as I did then.
    2) My maturity level is roughly the same
    3) I am still terrified of Roaches (and Jesus)
    4) Back rubs are still my favorite thing
    5) I can still be bribed into crimes with clothes.

Here is what has changed from Shelby Age 6 to Shelby Age 30-shut-your-mouth:
    1) I used to get an allowance and hand outs from my Paw Paw.
    2) Getting a big blow up ball was the coolest thing ever.  Now, I don't want one unless it is dipped in gold
        and hung around my neck.
    3) Now my money goes in a bank, Shelby Age 6 had a male and female mouse cheerleader bank.
    4) I drink coffee now
    5) I temper my meltdowns with Wine instead of Capri Suns.

I remember it well - it was my Nanny Peg's wedding day. Everyone was really excited and running around for what felt like years. And, my mom kept telling me I was going to be able to wear a really pretty dress and twirl around. Seemed innocent enough.

Photo Credit grietgrieft@live.be from morgueFile

We got to the church and everyone was all dressed up.  Makeup and hairspray....the Southern way.  I didn't totally get this but I knew we were about to throw down and party.

I took pictures with my daddy of me in my big dress and everyone told me I was so pretty.  I got to walk down the aisle and my Nanny just gleamed.  I was right about this party business and was able to flirt my way to dos pieces of cake.  This was turning out to be a pretty fabootal day.

(NonShelby) Baby on Board

Last weekend babies came to love on me. So cute. So exhausting. So loving my role as non-mother woman with the wee ones.

Know why?

Cause I am selfish.  I like to drink too much during the week. I like to sleep through the night and often well into the day on the weekends. I like having empty Diet Coke cans in the backseat instead of car seats.

But good gracious, they are some cuties.

Shelby vs Shelby

I am having one of those days today where getting out of bed was overwhelming to me. I don't have a large amount of items to accomplish today, I am just in the middle of giving myself a beating.  I feel like I can't do anything right.

    Did that come out wrong?

    I hope so and so doesn't repeat what I just told them, that was internal information.

    Why can't I stick to a diet?

    I wish I were better about cleaning out my inbox. It's a disaster zone.

    Did that just hurt someone's feelings? They look mad at me.

It is hard to be lazy perfectionist. I feel like a bad person today.  And nothing in particular happened.

But you know those days where you can just feel the crazy?

I will blame it on the weather and look forward to cocooning on the couch tonight with Bruiser. And calming myself down with a Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich, 30 Rock and that ugly afghan blanket I kinda lote.

Decorating Addiction (Dresser/Bar)

Let me take you back a year ago.  Shelbs was about 100 lbs heavier, had a face that looked like a pizza and couldn't read.

(Okay, I am totally lying but I am trying to make myself feel better about being a year older.  As usual, I digress.)

I did, however, move into a new apartment.  I am kind of a move-a-holic. This isn't necessarily about a lack of commitment, I just keep finding major problems about these places that I move into.  I am talking about "I mean, he's super cute but do you think I should be upset he's a convict" kinda major problem.  I had to evacuate out of one because Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles moved in (I wish that were me kidding).  He was eating my Cajun Rice, avoiding the death traps all over my place and throwing keggers when I wasn't home (which, btw, I moved out, since ya know, a rat lived there).  In my last apartment, the folks above me controlled my theromstat. Oh, and the living room was above my bed.  I often work up in the middle of the night to the drunk dude screaming at his Wii "Dudddee, Nah, Comean!"  I was so restful and peaceful at work, let me tell ya.

April Wine Club (Rhone and Provence)

I am a savant of organized sport. And a booze hound.  These aren't new revelations being made here folks.  I'm pretty self aware.

This is how we do a Bridal Binge

When my friend, Jules decided she wanted her bachelorette weekend to be a wine tour followed by a small gathering involving pizza, I signed right up.  Actually, I probably hit a few folks with my beer belly to be the first to sign up.  I was so excited about candy, pizza and celebrating one Jules, I volunteered to host the after-wine tour shower.

So...up and at 'em to go visit the Virginia Wineries.  And what says "My friend is getting hitched" like a luxury stretched vehicle. (Hat Tip to Capiappe for feeding us Chick-Fil-A before we got all aboard)

If you are from the South, you totally get the whole packing a koozie in your purse in case of emergency.  (And in the south, having your beer sweat is a Category 5 emergency).

I'd like to introduce you to the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  Straight from the pages of Meltdowns and Misadventures of Shelby Galatoire, I give you...the Woozie:

(Yeah, that's angels you hear singing, not your TV)

Confession: I love Jon Stewart

Sorry for the lack of posts, I've been oddly busy this week. It's odd because it is has been more like busy work silly busy than busy work important busy.

Anywho....

If you build it, they will totally copy it...

I've already discussed my crush on Thomas Jefferson (TJ, if you know and love him like I do).  He's awesome, he's smart, he's kinda cute and he likes to eat dinner in his jam jams (ask Dolly Madison, she had to whip his ass into shape to not embarrass our little country in front of ambassadors who weren't as impressed with his social graces as I am).

And, so, I would like to announce, publicly, my plans to build my own Monticello named....